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life & music | repertoire | heiligenstadt
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My roots are in Classical Piano. Before I became a computer scientist,
I spent my entire childhood on the piano and love it very much.

My repertoire can be found here (including a few recordings).


me on the piano

Around March, 2000 I did an in-depth look into the life of Ludwig van Beethoven, my favorite composer. I had always been fascinated with him, and what I found only amplified that. In many ways, I related very much to him and am proud to produce the following essay of mine.

beethoven

I think it's a good read. I don't usually write essays unless I'm producing a technical paper for computer science research, but I did this time. If you're interested in Beethoven as much as I am, I encourage you to read it yourself. To give you an idea: it's about 8 pages in MS Word.


  An Essay: Ludwig Van Beethoven, Life and Music

"He inspires awe from his stature, qualities as a man...Sense of personal dignity, pride, idealism,...He created some of the mightiest music conceived by man" (Cross, Milton, Ewen 46); Beethoven's contribution to music was a miracle, but that composition had a driving force. Besides Beethoven's musical reputation, his life was full of conflict. It ranged from a bad domestic childhood, to his unusual attempts at love, to his deafness, and his bad rapport with society. He was one of the most confused and spiteful of men, but was a great philosopher and man of emotion as well as a great composer, whose music was affected by his family, by love and by the body. He looked for a sense of identity throughout his life, first through the parts of his life, and then through his music.

Beethoven, eldest of four children, was born in Bonn, Germany, December 16, 1770. His father, Johann Van Beethoven, was a drunk, wasting his money and often creating a home of violent scenes. His mother provided the only love and comfort. She never smiled, and particularly lived for Ludwig. His father started Beethoven on the piano, hoping he would be prodigious like Mozart. Johann forced him to play hour after hour, dragging him out of the bed in the middle of the night. Natural mistakes were rewarded by descending blows and beatings (Cross Milton Ewen 46). Johann did not allow Ludwig to have many friends and left him as an ugly and untidy child. Such an early lack of attention and care to a young child should have destroyed his psyche. Ultimately, he had no father. He had no one to teach him common things that growing children should learn, or to whom he could express his thoughts and questions on life. Other than his music, the only place to turn was to character, compassion, and personal attention found from outside of the family.

Ludwig's first chance at what the world had to offer was performing and exercising his growing talent. He first performed at eight years old. His father claimed him to be six years old in hopes the public would be impressed enough to pay more money to see a performance of Beethoven's. Not surprisingly however, Ludwig was unsuccessful so early. A man named Christian Neefe gave him many helpful lessons and Beethoven eventually became the court organist. At fourteen years old, the "Elector" of the Electoral Church saw potential in Ludwig and sent him with funds to Vienna, "the great center of music making" (Cross, Milton, Ewen 47). He met Mozart here for the first time. Beethoven admired Mozart greatly, but, unfortunately, when Beethoven performed, Mozart was not very impressed. Mozart gave him a melody and young Ludwig was to improvise on the given theme the best he could. He did so, amazing Mozart in the process, gaining his compliments (Cross, Milton, Ewen 49). Suddenly, Beethoven had to leave because his mother was dying in Bonn in 1787. She eventually died of Tuberculosis. She was the person he had the best relationship with and love for; moreover, his father was arrested for excessive drinking. Beethoven now had to support the family alone. Beethoven did not have a true authority figure besides his mother to correct his mistakes as a child and gradually became a skeptic of his environment. This would make sense: since he was never successfully close to anyone, his father a failure and his mother now dead, a pessimistic attitude developed towards the success of any outside relationships. To add insult to injury, his sister, Maria Margaretha died the same year, with the additional subsequent death of both Beethoven's Father and Mozart 4 years after that. From this surmounting set of ominous predicaments, he created his own morals, using his music as a form of expression. He slowly engendered forms of rudeness and contemptuousness. With that mindset, his endeavors to support the family suffered, which for the most part only consisted of his remaining brothers.

In 1792, (the year his father died), while passing by Bonn, Joseph Haydn visited the church while Beethoven performed one day. Haydn became very interested in developing him. He invited Ludwig to Vienna. Haydn became his only father figure, besides Ludwig's admiration of Mozart, outside of his domestic life. Here was someone to whom he could learn from and attach himself. Prince Lichnowsky had also heard this fine young man play and did not mind offering Beethoven a place to stay in his palace. Beethoven continued to study and develop. He recognized he was untruthfully developing Mozart and Haydnic styles. In fact on Beethoven's first 3 sonatas (Opus 2, nos. 1, 2, & 3), you see the words "Joseph Haydn gewidmet", meaning "dedicated to Joseph Haydn". However Beethoven's mind was not going that route and Haydn did not turn out to be an original musician to him. Haydn taught Beethoven many things that were usually convention. Not much was new about the music, he thought. His appreciation of Mozart and Haydn did not cease, but he still ventured off into his own styles. Haydn criticized Beethoven's musical ability as intractable and non-traditional. Other future teachers like Albrechtsberger in 1794 and Salieri in 1799, also complained that he did not choose to learn the common baroque and classical styles of music. He went his own direction. Ironically, lesser men who taught the maestro, not too well known, were more favorable to Beethoven. Beethoven's music grew into more new romantic sounds. As nothing original was being developed out of convention, he was not producing an original self from these teachers either. Not being allowed to try something new restricted him and also restricted his practice in expressing himself, both musically and in maturity.

Beethoven was first named the "Giant" of the pianoforte when he performed at two public charity concerts. His name grew. He made new, darker, alternatively-lighter, and more contemptuous forms of composition. His music took dares and chances in the classic theory that Mozart and Haydn usually used. It was surprising to the public, but stimulating. A worn out example, but classic, is his fifth symphony. Beethoven's desire and instinct to revolt his new ideas were in part a result of the attitude developed from his childhood. He isolated his tastes, since neither his teachers nor his father approved of them, whereas the public tended to be a little more receptive. People admired him and loved him. By the 1800's, Beethoven was full of commissions for his music. He was writing in the new romantic era of classical music. He enriched his playing and structure so much that he moved the audience to tears. Minor, sweet, ominous, aesthetic music was his affecting specialty (David 53). The rising Ludwig once said, "I have six or seven publishers for each one of my works...I name my terms and they pay!" (Cross, Milton, Ewen 50).

Continuing his development, Beethoven's style, attitude, and countenance evolved into a very defined individual. He was finally getting into the swing of making a living, composing, and providing for himself. His eyes and his mouth were implacably benevolent, with very distinct dimples that complemented and gravely sharpened his rudeness. He grew a harsh attitude. He grew large, gray, bushy, untidy hair, with an overall huntsman's face, brownish and unhealthy-looking. Ludwig had amazing lodgings: extremely dirty and disorderly in which sheets of music notation - revised, erased, smeared - were scattered. Dishes and clothes were on chairs and in sinks from previous days (Rodman and Kearns 92). Even though he was messy and of a filthy nature, these types of things were less important to him, for he was always trying to improve and revise his work perfectly. He often had no time for household duties or even socialization. It always paid off. He could not have been any better recognized as a musician.

With his new experienced attitude, he did believe in the audience's appreciation of his music but not, however, in their comprehension of what his music was about. Although people much admired his work, his temper did make enemies. He did not tolerate mediocrity and laziness. Beethoven had two brothers Karl and Johann. These brothers had played almost no part in his life. Ludwig had to support them when his mother died and his father arrested. Beethoven did not grow very fond of them. In his adult years, he kept an eye on them though. Ludwig once played vigilante by getting a police order and intervening with an affair Johann was having with his housekeeper (Rodman and Kearns 93). He got into another quarrel with Karl also. He accused him of stealing his music, which he later found hidden in a drawer. Nevertheless, he grew to feel the world was against him and that any affection he received was for his music alone - a cyclic fuel to his growing one-way introspection, and the development of a general, contemptuous, and unconsciously embedded attitude towards his associates and to his family. Later, Karl died in 1815, and had to leave his younger son, Carl, to someone. Karl's wife did not want Ludwig to have custody, but Beethoven won him in court by accusing the wife of embezzlement. He felt he could be a better parent. Furthermore, from 1821 to 1826, Beethoven regrettably took care of young Carl. The adoption did not help Beethoven's temperament. Carl was insolent and costly, and Carl's frequent attempts at suicide frustrated Beethoven. Beethoven even tried him on the piano. Beethoven tried hard to win Carl's love but was ignored. Joy came to Ludwig when Carl eventually left for the Army.

An enormous example of his tolerance happened during the French Revolution. Napoleon was an idol to Beethoven. Ludwig considered him the hero of his age who introduced liberty and progress to all princely states. Ludwig was sure of that, and in honor of his admiration, Beethoven dedicated his grand third symphony to Bonaparte. Unfortunately, Napoleon had grown so popular, he eventually worked his way up to emperor, ignoring a democratically composed Europe. He was playing a monarch again. As soon as Beethoven heard of the news, he said, "Is he [Napoleon] then, too, nothing more than an ordinary human being? Now he, too, will trample on all the rights of man and indulge only his ambition. He will exalt himself above all others and become a tyrant!" (David 88). Ludwig ripped Napoleon's name off the top of the score of the symphony and replace it with the title: "Composed to celebrate the memory of a great man," simply calling it the "Eroica." He also, did not tolerate ignorance of his music and did not continue performing for an audience in such a situation (David 53). He developed crude manners. "The slightest affront aroused his violent temper," (Cross, Milton, Ewen 49). He was not easy to get along with, and the nobles only tolerated him because of the magic of his music. He ignored his enemies. "All that is called life shall be sacrificed to sublime art," he said (Rodman and Kearns 92). He moved endlessly, dodging angry landlords or disobedient servants, but his intent was positive. This chaotic interactions again drove him further into himself. Although his associations and his music had gotten him this far, he felt the backlashes of not making many good impressions with friends, audiences or possible romances. Although Beethoven never married, he was said to be involved with several women, though people had revealed that Ludwig did have his many impulses of love. After his death, a famously mentioned letter was found in a drawer. With no address or date, its only reference was to a deeply loved and admired someone whom he called his "Immortal Beloved." No name was given, and there is no way to find out who the Maestro was referring to. However, his words do tell that he longed to be loved, and he needed it, despite his outward appearance. He was lonely. Even though he wanted some part in that idealistic fate, "he feared the loss of his identity by being lost in another" (Rodman and Kearns 69). We already knew anyway that he had a problem with developing close relationships to begin with from his younger life, which greatly discouraged the chance for romance. His identity was now set. He commented to Schindler once, "If I had wished to give my vital powers with that life [marriage], what would have remained for what's better?" (Rodman and Kearns 69).

By 1801, (and probably earlier) Beethoven realized the gradual increase in his hearing loss. When he asked his only doctor for advice, the doctor recommended that Ludwig stay in Heiligenstadt for a summer and see if he could recover. After the vacation, it only got worse. Beethoven had times in which he would have committed suicide if not for the sake of his music. He was very ashamed of his deafness. He avoided society whenever possible to conceal it. While on vacation, he wrote the "Heiligenstadt testament" in which he meticulously described his views upon his fellow men and his suffering from being deaf. He said that those who scorned him were wrong in their judgment. He stated that he knew he was born with an active, fiery temperament, and that he eventually found himself compelled to live life alone. He was forced to be a philosopher at only that age of twenty-eight, and explains that what he superficially seems to be is not what he hoped to be, but is what he was eminently destined for, so that whomever was to find the testament could tell those who wronged him what they did not know. The testament is a sum of his morals, his fears, and his reasons why he is everyone's equal. The deafer he became though, the more irascible he became. "An innocent incident might cause a violent rupture with the closest friend" (Cross, Milton, Ewen 50-51).

Eventually Beethoven lost his depression and continued to compose music, despite his being deaf. Beethoven was by far profoundly experienced enough by now that he knew the structure of melody and pitch by heart, and if he could not hear the sounds directly, he could at least get a sense of the vibrations. Beethoven cut off the legs of his piano, laid it on the floor and lay down with his ear on the floor or top of the piano. He miraculously composed some most exceptional pieces while he was deaf that were sometimes better than when he could hear, such as the Appassionata sonata, Eroica Symphony, Moonlight, fifth symphony, and more. His hearing as an obstacle only made him more determined to continue, making his music a mess of revision. By 1810, he knew his strength: "with whom need I be afraid of measuring my strength?" (Cross, Milton, Ewen 51-52).

After all the intense parts of his life, Beethoven had calmed for about a period of five years - 1812 to 1817 - and his composition entered a stage of very little. Beethoven was a religious man, but was often puzzled why he had the life he did. He became very spiritual during these years and built up to his last performance. This was on May 7, 1824 in Vienna. It was his final symphony, the 9th. As his others, he conducted it deaf and amazingly received an enormous applause for many obvious mistakes that he could not hear. He even continued to conduct through the thunderous applause several minutes after the end until someone walked down and turned him around so that he would know it was over.

In 1826, Beethoven caught pneumonia, jaundice, and dropsy. He was dying an unnatural death. People cheered him with gifts while in bed, and in 1827, he signed off his will and went unconscious. On March 26, 1827 when it was thundering, lightning, and raining outside, characteristic of the ferocity of his music and the way he had lived his life, Beethoven suddenly leaned up in bed, raised his fist to the heavens and fell back dead, scorning just one more person before passing away. Throughout his life, Beethoven composed 9 symphonies, 3 overtures, 7 concertos, 32 sonatas, 16 chamber music string quartets, a Gross Fugue, 10 violin/piano sonatas (and 5 with cello), one opera name Fidelio, Missa Solemnis for choral, 8 trios, variations on a theme of Diabellie, and 32 piano variations. He led a proud life, but also one of conflict. What he failed to find in his family, he made the most of in his associates and teachers, in love, and in his never-ending talent for music, which he ended up living for. The best thing for him to do after such a resume was to be satisfied with himself. To do that, he needed to be further isolated from the world. Being deaf helped seal off that endeavor in an unfortunate way, but his musical accomplishments balanced that by providing with success and immortality in all that hear.

1. Cross, Milton, Ewen. Encyclopedia of the Great Composers and Their Music. Garden City, NY; Doubleday & Company, Inc. 1962.

2. Jacobs, David. Beethoven. New York; American Heritage Publishing Co., Inc., 1970.

3. Rodman, and Kearns. The Heart of Beethoven. New York; Shorewood Publishing Co., 1962.

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